Me: “Hi, how are you Monu?’’
Niece: “Suh Mossy. All g!’’ (that’s
what she calls her Maushi)
(There is a silence
for seconds which seems like minutes.
I presume what she actually
meant was, ''what’s up and all good'' but I don’t want to sound uncool so I
don’t ask)
Niece: “Mossy, how are you? You there?”
Me: “Y. All g with me too” (trying to sound like her).
“How is school sweetie?”
Niece: “School is sick as usual!”
Me: (Rolling eyes
emoticon) “Why sick? I thought you enjoyed going to school.”
Niece: “Sick as in cool Mossy. Not the sick as in the ill
types.”
(“Duh, Mossy!”…I am
sure she must have thought in her head)
Me: “Oh yeah, of course! And how is your Math class going,
coping well I hope?” (Quickly moving to another topic to bury my embarrassment.)
Niece: “TBH, I was going tots cray with Math as you know….”
(Niece still typing)
Me: “Sweetie, too many typos…what was that?” (Me asking naively)
Niece: “…but RN, my Maths is on fleek. Touch wood!”
Me: “What, what, what???”
(I am too flummoxed)
Niece: “Mossy! (inserting a tired smiley face) There are no
typos. I just said, ‘To be honest, I was going totally crazy with Math earlier,
but right now my Math seems to be going perfect.”
(Whoa, enlightenment!)
Me: “Oh gotcha! That’s awesome.”
(Trying to sound cool and hip like her)
Me: “How about your drawing and
drama classes?”
Niece: “hmm...drawing classes are
kind of basic but drama is lit AF. We really have the G.O.A.T during drama
classes!”
(Here we go again. I know this time these are no typos and the words do
mean something for sure. I quickly google on my phone to check the meaning and
bingo! I was right. No typo, these are actual words used by Gen Z.)
Niece: “Btw Mossy, I have been
asking Mamma to get me a phone and she has been saying NO. Please convince her
to get me one. I am 13 now and it is high time she gets a smart phone for me. Everyone
has it and I just totally miss out on all the tea that my squad has to share.
It really makes me feel salty.”
(I am wondering, how is not
having a mobile phone related to missing out on having tea. And why is she feeling salty about it?...A la Zeenat Aman in Pukar song ''Samundar mein naha kar''. I somehow sum up courage and ask sheepishly)
Me: “But sweetie… you don’t drink
Tea, nah. In fact you don’t like it. So how can you miss it! And what is their to feel salty about it?”
Niece: “Mossy, tea is gossip.
Feeling salty is feeling irritated.”
(Another Aha! moment for me)
Niece: (continuing) “My squad has
their own Instagram accounts. Wait! They also have Finstagram. And look at me,
I don’t even have a mobile phone.”
Me: “OMG. Now, what’s a
Finstagram? Is that a new social media platform?”
Niece: “No, Mossy. It is a Fake
Instagram account. You should check the photos they upload. They are so savage.
And look at me! I don’t even have a phone.”
Me: (gathering my wits) “No way are you having your own phone till you
complete your 10th standard. Have you read the many articles which
talk about how distracting they are for students and how it ruins…blah blah
blah blah!”
(Suddenly it strikes me. A new salvo (read word)was fired and I almost missed it)
Me: “And by the way, why are they savage?? Hope the photos are not too wild, crass and violent. That’s precisely the
reason your mamma is not getting you a phone like your squad, ok!”
Niece: “Mossy, you are defs iconic!
(Wink emoticon) It is ''savage'' as in cool and nothing beastly about it.”
Me: “Oh ok. Anyway, let me discuss
with your Mom on this new phone thing. ”
(Also, to find out how she deals with this cryptic language everyday)
Niece: “Ok. Pls do convince her. Btw,
sorry, I have a French class RN and I have to go. When you are free tomorrow,
HMU or I will DM you.”
(This aunt by now had made use of her fastest fingers to know what HMU
and DM stood for before the niece wrote her off and logged out.)
Me: “Ok sweetie I will Direct Message
you tomorrow evening on your Mumma’s phone or you can Hit Me Up. I will be
waiting for you defs.”
(My last ditch attempt to be the aunt who still had the goods)
P.S: For those uninitiated like me
who may still be stuck at G.O.A.T, may have realized by now that the conversation
had nothing to do with the four legged animal or a mutton recipe nor about getting my goat. Although I did teeter between a peaceful and pissed state of mind for a few moments there.
And yasss, G.O.A.T stands
for Greatest of All Time!
Note: The above is fictionalized account of a conversation with my Gen Z niece.
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