Sunday, April 11, 2010

A dedication to my dear parents (Aai and Pappa)



"If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging."
-Diane Loomans

A very sweet poem written by a parent who wishes she could rewind to the time in past when she first became a mother and do all the things differently.

Well, as for me I feel blessed that I am a daughter (count my sister in) of those parents who don't have to sit in a time machine and go back into the past and change the way they brought us up. Its simply been a wonderful journey...Our childhood...with both mom and dad (aai and papa as we call them)bringing up two daughters exactly as Diane Loomans (author of the poem) would have loved to bring up her children as conveyed through her poem.
I am sure all my friends will also agree to being lucky for being brought up the way they have been by their loving and doting parents. But how many times in our daily lives do we actually acknowledge this fact and give back at least half of what they have given till date.
Well....this post is exactly that..A dedication to my parents.

I am what I am today...thanks to my parents and their wonderful upbringing. We (me and my sis) are indeed lucky to have them as our parents. Life has been very tough for them like any normal middle class couple would experience but never ever did they make us (me and my sis) aware of that. There were more troughs than peaks in their life when we were young and growing up but they surmounted all of them with equal poise and a quiet strength. Whether it was about fighting against the builders/ promoters in the courts of law for many many years for the home which they had invested with their hard earned money and which was rightfully theirs...or battling with an erstwhile leading MNC where my father worked ( which later filed for bankruptcy), for the Gratuity sum from service of more than 20 years. The hard work and incredible courage which my father quietly displayed is something I will never forget.
Perseverance and dedication are 2 virtues which I realized in my early life thanks to them.
When my Aai and Papa recount those old days about what really happened back then...me and my sister are completely overwhelmed as they never made us overtly aware of the sweat and the tears of the trying times.
Also, whether it was illnesses and days when we were going through some what economically trying times, we still had our celebrations on birthdays or festivals and even indulged in shopping like any other normal family would. We went to almost all the beautiful cities across India every summer vacation. And if not a new place it was surely Goa (Mangeshi Temple) our native place which we all loved to go back to again and again.

If commuting in taxis was a comfortable mode of transport back then (30 years back) my dad would not hesitate to call for one in spite of the given situations. But all this while he used to work...work like a dog at office, come back home and still find time to take his wife and kids to the beach or park at nearby Shivaji Park or a movie theater or something similar.

Besides that they groomed us into good human beings who do not grow at the cost of others or stepping on others toes. They taught us the importance of hard work, integrity, sacrifice, self respect and sincerity. They also taught us the meaning of unrequited love and kindness. We understood from them that life some times throws at us difficult and sometimes happy moments but its important to keep our balance, be grounded and understand that this too shall pass.
They always encouraged all our fancies whether it was learning to sing, swimming, learning the guitar, joining sports clubs and many other extra curricular activities which we evinced interest in. At the same time they did not give in to many of our other undeserved fanciful demands.Value of hard earned money is what we learnt through them.

Not to forget the important lesson of using our heart when dealing with our near and dear ones and using our head in the professional world or strangers, which will remain with me forever.

Thanks to the wonderful upbringing inculcated in us by our parents, we strive to pay it forward in our every day life with people we know and don't know sometimes. Isn't that the most beautiful process when you can lead your daily life with a wonderful conscience and a warm heart.

As sons and daughters I am sure we all try to ensure that our parents get all the comforts which we can provide them, a helping hand when the situation arises and meet all their requirements which typically arise in the sunset of their life. But what we don't realize is that more than all the above, they just want to be heard, they want to talk to their kids who are now busy in their careers and have meaningful conversations just like they had in the earlier days.
Now when they are old, (not as old as they would like to think because 60 is the new 40)and have grown up children (we) all they look forward to is tete a tete with their loved ones. They seem to be so happy when you call them and share your daily experiences that it completely makes their day. So I have suddenly realized as I am writing this post that the daily routine (which we consider) of calling them every day is their much required dose of adrenalin. They really look forward to our calls and when it doesn't come through on a day they are worried sick about us whereas we are blissfully ignorant about their feelings.
Also, some times when they have to call us during our office hours, due to pressing demands at work we either let it go as a missed call or hurriedly cut short the conversation. For us it is just another call which can be answered later but to them it means the most sometimes. Nothing is more important than your dear ones, believe me! Especially when they are trying to reach you when you are busy, the least we can do is hear them out or politely tell them that u will call them back. They just want a kind hearing after all they have been patient with us for so many years when we were growing. This is the least we can do for them.

Also, a visit to their place brings such good cheer to them. You just have to see their beaming faces and it says it all. Even at their age they like to pamper us so much, it some times embarrasses me....do I really deserve this? They are ready to go on a limb to help and support us even at their age. Its truly amazing!

As parents don't most of us yearn for that special time with our kids which tends to make us feel younger and energized with the enthusiasm of the company, its exactly the same case here. So go ahead and make their day!

If you are happy for being who you are and look back on your childhood the same way I do, I m sure you will agree with me wholeheartedly.

If its been some time since you spoke to your folks, pick that phone and say hello or if possible, visit them, they will be pleasantly surprised. And if they stay with you, even better...just give them a big warm hug. You would surely give them a reason to smile. :)