Grey Anatomy of an Indian - Part II

Welcome to Part II of 'Grey Anatomy of an Indian'.

To begin where we left off in Part I, let me now introduce you to the other 5 reasons why we Indians are innately grey.

6. Indian Food

When we are talking about the anatomy, can food be left far behind? No, never and more so if its Indian food, we just cant. We are what we eat, they say... so blame it on the food for our grey anatomy, dearies!

You can go all around the world but nothing compares to Indian food. I say this not because I am an Indian but because you can seriously never have enough of it. So much of variety, flavors, aroma, taste, nutrition, creativity and not to forget so deeply steeped in rich tradition.
But what tickles my taste buds literally and figuratively are the cross variations Indian food has on its platter these days to offer to any kind of foodie.

So let me share with you 10 examples of Indian gastronomic delights which will not only leave you hungry and smacking your lips but also confirm the 'grey anatomy' logic.

1. Chinese Bhel puri (I can bet the last puri on my plate that our Chinese brethren wont be able to copy this one for sure)
2. Jain Pav Bhaaji (can you imagine, a Pav bhaaji without the quintessential kaanda/pyaaz...never!)
3. Chinese Dosa ( uh oh..I am imagining a chinese in a half lungi,now)
4. Mc Aloo Tikki (Looks like an American Born Confused Desi)
5. Jain Pizza - (Hmmm... its Mr.Jain posing against Leaning Tower of Pizza..oops Pisa)
6. Jain Chicken (Holy Cow!, you say. I say..Don't rub your eyes...yes it does exist and I have got this one confirmed from few Jain friends themselves. Its a preparation without onions and garlic but with chicken)
7. Chinese Jain cutlets (..looks like Jains and Chinese have some past life connection..how I wonder?)
8. Gobhi Manchurian (Chinese da puttar)
9. Spring Dosa (hmmm! no springing surprise)
10. Idli Manchurian (Aah..we Indian veggies can be so creative, nah!)

I am sure there are many more such hybrid and ingenious culinary delights which exist across India which will qualify the grey taste (or test).
Hope the above 10 menu items either got your tummy rumbling or at least you can now digest the logic of the grey anatomy of an Indian. If this is not enough food for thought then may be you should marinate...oops ruminate over it.


7.
Cleanliness is next to Godliness....but only at home -

I always wonder, how we are so adept as a nation in keeping our homes spic and span but fall so short on keeping our surroundings clean? And mind you, this trait is across all cultures and vultures. Once we step out of our home it ceases to be our responsibility towards being clean in our area and city.
I am sure you have seen many times, occupants of the most plush car throwing out of the windows the greasiest of wrappers, clinky cans and empty plastic bottles with such complete nonchalance. Or have you seen the red spitoons whizz past you with elan. These missiles fly around with so much ease and frequency that sometimes I feel if it ever becomes a competitive sport (like archery) we surely will have enough talent to choose from. They do also land on your kurta, shirt or trousers depending on the colours. Lighter the colour of your clothes, better chance they will have. Its like these red missiles are brand ambassadors of 'Daag acche hain' campaign.
Sartorial inclinations apart, these missiles sure do know what they are up to. They have their 'designs' exclusively for specific wall posters. Have you noticed how the remnants of these drippy missiles always provide a great topping for posters with messages 'Yeha thunkna mana hain' or 'Keep your city clean and green'. Or have you seen how these spittoons will be all over the place except where they are meant to be...in the dust bin that is. (Hmmm..looks like we wont have a chance in this 'competitive sport' as well, after all.)
But now look at the flip side...just look at us when we go abroad on our holidays or business visits. The same breed which throws, spits, litters and does many other disgusting acts in public domain thinks twice before doing the same when out of India. This behavior indeed is a great subject for study material and another example to prove the grey anatomy of an Indian.

8.
Cricket - The only true religion of us Indians

India maybe a country of
- 28 States
- 7 Union Territories
- 18 official languages
- 1000's of dialects
- 1.2 billion people

But its only with Cricket that India comes together...to discuss, debate, dissect, appreciate, criticize, venerate and celebrate with gusto, passion and enthusiasm India's place in the world of cricket.
When it comes to this religion it doesnt matter whether you belong to the haves or have nots, classes or masses, literate or illiterate, urban or rural, city or village, rich or poor...there is an unexplainable phenomena at play which unites the Indians in 1 big happy (when we win ofcourse!) family.
We are a country which looks upto these cricket players, turns them into heroes and sometimes zeroes. We look upto them for inspiration, cheer, team spirit and also as a means of escapism from the daily rigmarole of life.
It may not come as a surprise that we just might know by heart, statistics of India's past matches more accurately than our religious chants/prayers.
Also, I wont be surprised if Indians pray to GOD more religiously when cricket season is on than when it is not.
Prayer No. 1 - Oh God! let Sachin complete his century
Prayer No. 2 - God! Please let bhajji make his hattrick.
Prayer No. 3 - Please GOD, let Dravid stay on and win match for India!
so on and so forth...

When Indians come together to play, discuss or watch cricket you can be rest assured that atmosphere is going to be nothing less than electrifying, deafening and exuberant at the same time.
Little wonder then for all reasons mentioned above, to us Indians, Cricket is not just a game but a religion! And yes, we have 1 common GOD too! (and he goes by the name of Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar).

9. 'Sab chalta hain bhai' attitude, yeh hai India!

I am sure you have heard this phrase a zillion times over and tossed it aside just like any other casual topic which we cant do much about. But think it over, friends. 'Chalta hain' is being reasonable with yourself and being reasonable with others and their actions. If we as an individual and as a nation has to move forward we need to ask questions, be unreasonable, demand, push the envelope and then only we can expect to get the best and be best. The current Anti corruption movement is a case in example. How many times have we in our own life been subject to corruption or also been responsible for corruption. No one I know has been free from a corrupt act whether its giving a bribe to traffic police, buying a film ticket in black, getting a driving license, getting ration card, downloading pirated films or making some home renovations without necessary permissions. Its easy to point finger at politicians (and yes rightfully so) but we need to remember there are 4 fingers pointing back at us as well.

I agree, here we have to pay for everything which is essentially free...right from a birth certificate to death certificate which pretty much sums up how deeply steeped is corruption in our country. With a proper anti corruption system in place it will surely help to stop the rot at the top level where it actually starts and then flows down the ladder. For which I am very glad this movement led by Anna Hazare has happened and opened the eyes of the lakhs of 'Chalta Hai' Indians. Its truly a historic moment and I am sure across the world people will be looking at India very hopefully. No where else have movements with such magnitude of people and apolitical in nature have passed so peacefully which is the really victory of India and Indians.

And I hope this momentum gained in the past many days (12 days)does not go waste and energises Indians to be unreasonable henceforth about anything which is corrupt and also at the same time we spread the positivity around through our own individual actions. Its time we shed this thick skin called 'Chalta Hain' and don a new avatar which 'Makes good things happen".

10. Past perfect but Future Tense...I hope not!

India and its 20 Amazing Historical facts which you may already know but its worth putting down again.

1. India is the world's largest, oldest, continuous civilization.
2. India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.
3. India is the world's largest democracy.
4. India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.
5. The World's first university was established in Takshashila in 700BC. More than10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.
6. Sanskrit is the mother of all the European languages. Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software - a report in Forbes magazine, July 1987.
7. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans. Charaka, the father of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago.
8. India was the richest country on earth until the time of British invasion in the early 17th Century. Christopher Columbus was attracted by India's wealth.
9. The art of Navigation was bornin the river Sindhu 6000 years ago. The very word Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH. The word navy is also derived from Sanskrit 'Nou'.
10. Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart. Time taken by earth to orbit the sun: (5th century) 365.258756484 days.
11. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century long before the European mathematicians.
12. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India. Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11th century.
13. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.
14. Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was invented in India.
15. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted complicated surgeries like cesareans, cataract, artificial limbs, fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery and brain surgery.
16. When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley (Indus Valley Civilization).
17. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.
18. India is one of the few countries in the World, which gained independence without violence.
19. India is the largest English speaking nation in the world.
20. India is the only country other than US and Japan, to have built a super computer indigenously.

Inspite of such brilliant achievements to our credit in the past its sad to see in today's times, Indians rank 87 out of 178 in the Transparency International's index of corruption in the world.
We have a great history and even greater achivements to our credit in Science, Engineering, IT, Literature, Space in recent times as well.

I hope that we as a nation realise the immense potential that lies within us and it becomes the super power to reckon with in the near future and not flounder on this great opportunity that lies ahead of us.

On this positive note, I end the Part II of 'Grey Anatomy of an Indian'. Hope it has helped to throw light on the grey areas and also helped you to see we Indians in a gre(y)at light.

Grey Anatomy of an Indian - Part I

Yes, the topic name has been very much inspired by the hugely influential work on the subject of human anatomy and also a popular medical drama TV series by the same name. But that's about it, the similarities end very much there. So if you are looking to read about either of those two subjects and draw comparisons, you might as well stop reading further, as this may not interest you at all. And this particular disclaimer is just that - to avoid any reader dissonance you may experience if at all.

Hey...great...i see that you are still on the page and reading further on the blog post. Then there's good news for you...I must say! As you continue reading further on this piece which is in parts a reflection of our daily life and parts opinionated, you might just stumble on something you can identify with as a 'Grey Indian'.

Let me start by sharing what the dictionary says about the word 'grey'.

grey - 7 dictionary results
grey or gray (ɡreɪ)

— adj
1. of a neutral tone, intermediate between black and white, that has no hue and reflects and transmits only a little light
2. greyish in colour or having parts or marks that are greyish
3. dismal or dark, esp from lack of light; gloomy
4. neutral or dull, esp in character or opinion
5. having grey hair
6. of or relating to people of middle age or above: grey power
7. ancient; venerable
8. (of textiles) natural, unbleached, undyed, and untreated

The 'grey' anatomy of an Indian really is a mix of all the above and yet purports to none of the above at the same time. Its nothing but a typical characteristic streak we all Indians innately possess. It is something which reflects in all that we think, we do and experience as a slice of our life. I would like to call what we have is grey because of its very fluid nature, its unfixed and also its all encompassing.

I can sense that the quizzical and impatient look on your face still persists and now I can actually hear you demanding of me what does 'grey' anatomy of an India really means? Hmm....my answer is a simple "Look around and look within you!".
If that has puzzled you even more then let me list down the Top Ten Grey Indian Idiosyncrasies and then let me ask you the same question at the end. My guess is this 'grey' will become more defined. The below top ten list is not in any particular order but much the order of my train of thoughts as I am typing on the QWERTY.

Top 10 Grey Indian Idiosyncrasies

No. 1.
Indian Standard Time (IST) - We all know that it means more than what it really stands for. We Indians take pride in the deeper meaning of IST, sometimes even joke about it and most times even get away using this short abbreviation as a crutch for long excuses. For instance...'Hey.. you were supposed to be here an hour back. What happened to you?' you ask your friend when he/she arrives late...and your friend quickly retorts back...'Arre yaar, you know Indian Standard Time right..it happens!' The matter ends there, no more questions asked.
We are like this only! Sab chalta hain.

Meetings, schedules, appointments, projects...all delayed...why? Blame it on 'Indian Standard Time'. 9 'o' clock meeting starts at 9.30, 11 'o' clock appointment scheduled with client but hey, where's the client?, a team meeting supposed to get over in 2 hours spills over for over half a day and a flight scheduled to land at 5pm is still guzzling fuel mid air (thankfully this has reduced off late). And less said the better of all the projects being executed out there...roads, bridges, airports...list is endless. Its a joke that these projects, scheduled to complete in months run into years and sometimes years into decades. And when they finally get completed notwithstanding the time over runs and cost runs, there are even joyous celebrations. Oh, yes celebrations! Why?.. you ask. Arre...because they got finally completed nah..bas!

Its the Grey Indian anatomy in full force across different levels, cadres, religion, age, financial background, cities and across the country. Nothing is absolute and definitely not certain. Unpredictability is the name of the game, friends. Of course there are few exceptions but only to prove that this rule exists.

2. The Grey (or grated) Indian Roads and road sense (or lack of it)
Much has been already been said, written and re written about the Indian roads... time and again. Not much where I can add my two bits except that its indeed a national 'phenomenace'. Sometimes we are left wondering, if this is what we experience in our cities with so called best-in-class infrastructure amenities, just shudder to think what would be the state of the towns and villages.
With so much stress, frustration, me-first attitude, road rage, colorful language and back breaking bumps experienced on our roads...it wont be a surprise if it becomes the road to perdition for its riders one day.
And coming to the road sense of its denizens, well..what can one expect from the poor souls when the roads itself are the villains of this story. We the denizens are mere victims of fate who play our part of the frustrated, impatient, unruly heroes with full gusto. We don't care 2 horns for the rules or the game. Its my way or highway...hmmm true..but where is the highway by the way?
Coming to the so called rules...a red signal means STOP and a green means GO....right! Well, not really if you are a true blue (correction..grey)Indian. A red signal at most times means cars zipping past you. For we are a breed of 'colour blind' Indians unless ofcourse our Desi Spidey Pandu is lurking behind a pole waiting to spin his web on the naive, Speedy Gonsalves.
Also, what more can be said about the sensuous dance movements of the Indian cars on the roads. Yes, the same place where cars keep changing lanes as if they are going out of fashion. Its a 'u better not come hither' look, then a kiss and finally 'make up' drama at its hilt. The CITY slicker with its swanky gait zooms upto and lightly kisses an alluring DEZIRE on its bum-per and then makes up speed pronto with another sprightly SPARK at the same time. Sometimes he gets a SCORPIO sting in the bargain, other times a CIVIC response (very rare though) and at most times he is in ACCORD with his ilk as they are part of the same tamasha every day. Whether you are A STAR or INNOVA(TER) no one can resist this Indian car-nama.
Its 'Car'pe diem on the road almost always. Seize the day or at times even someone's collar...same difference! Either you attain a ZEN like state and pass through this calmly or you can be assured of a 'Car'diac attack just sitting in your car.
Expect the unexpected from the grey Indians, its in their 'kar'ma.


3. Indian Judiciary -
Everything seems to be grey here...right from the guys who don the woolly hats and hammer 'order, order!' like in hindi movies of yore, to the grey cells for which they are supposed to be revered or the scanty grey patch on their shiny scalp. Thats the grey indian judiciary for you. But hey, theres more...

I am sure you have heard this one before...'You need to be in it first to win it!'
But alas one cant say the same thing when one has to file a lawsuit in this democracy (sadly). One might as well give in before the climbing the steps of this 'Ivory Tower'.
For taking the bold steps up this ladder a la Jack in the Bean Stalk story...either your silk suits need to have deep pockets or if not then these pockets should atleast confine a business card of certain Mr. Mister. Someone who can help you jump the serpentine queue of long forgotten cases or connect you with those who really matter.

But if you are one of the children of lesser god who has never seen a silk suit forget owning one, then forget it... unless ofcourse you are ready to 'go grey' in this system where there is no black or white.

4. Politicians -
Nothing more can be said of the 'greyest' of the lot in the top 10 list where integrity is a question mark and principles completely non existing. Only if they show us their true colours would the denizens of this country know what they really stand for. The somersaults which this breed is given to, one will never know where their loyalties lay....probably where they get royalties from.

5.
The Great Indian Jugaad- One grey area we should be proud of as it originates from Indian sensibilities and has now become a global buzzword in these trying times.

As per Wikipedia, 'Jugaad (also sometimes jugard) literally means an improvised arrangement or work-around, which has to be used because of lack of resources.'
Jugaad also applies to any kind of creative and out of the box thinking which maximizes resources for a company and its stakeholders.
It does have negative connotations to the word - temporary, unstable and quick fix. But one cant take away the fact that its being inventive at low cost and is an Indian way which has now been globally recognised.
Many examples of Jugaad originate from India which include the water-pump engine based vehicle on roads, washing machine which is used to make lassi, Tier 2 and 3 sleeper compartments in Indian railways to make room for more people to enjoy comforts of A/C at lesser costs, making quilts out of old and used sarees and even TATA Nano to an extent is jugaad of engineering which has been much written about as a success story across the world. Who could have thought of a car at Rs. 1 lac in today's times anywhere in the world, but we did it. Also, India is the home of the satchet and micro finance revolution and the biggest user of 'Missed call' and saving air time costs. These are just few of the known examples of how Indians have been inventive and made best available of the resources.

On this note I end my Part I of the Grey Anatomy of an Indian chapter. The other 5 points in the top 10 list will be posted shortly. I am hoping that you are at least half convinced at this point about why we Indians are innately grey. If you have any doubts still about their grey anatomy, I am sure they will get cleared after you read Part II.